Never Saw It Coming
by Kurai-Sora-chan
Summary: I am certain I love him. I know I do... BxL & BxA Sorry for the horrible summary.


Beyond Birthday's POV

Japanese Hotel: B and L's shared room

9:07 P.M.

I sighed and rubbed a hand down my face. I was currently sitting on the black leather couch in front of the muted television. L and I had rented a hotel room for a month while Watari prepared a room for us at the orphanage. I had recently been in prison for the murders I'd committed, but L had released me under the condition that I stayed with him at all times. I didn't mind, and neither did he most of the time. It had been two weeks since then, and L and I had become rather close, closer than ever before. In fact, you could say that we were engaged in a relationship. That is what it was, after all. I was deeply in love with L. I was certain of it, and I knew he felt the same way. However, L could actually say it; I could not. It was hard for me to say those three words, and he'd assured me many times that I didn't have to say it aloud, that he knew how I felt. I knew he was hurt every time I failed, though. I could see the pain in his eyes.

Currently, L was downstairs speaking with someone about restoring the refrigerator. Yeah, I know the condition of my release was that I was with him at all times, but he was only three floors down, and he trusted me more than when he'd released me. Even though I didn't mind being with him all the time, I was grateful that he felt he could leave me alone sometimes. A man needs his space at times, and it felt good to know that he didn't _have_ to be there at every moment.

I stood from the couch and went to the bookshelf on the far end of the room. I knelt down and scanned the selections the hotel had stored for us. I had already read most of the books at Wammys, so I wasn't finding much of anything. The last book, however, caught my eye immediately. 'Akazukin Chacha'. My favorite manga. Normally, my eyes would light up with excitement, but this time, I simply picked the book up and went back to the couch to read it in silence. I didn't bother crouching like L. It did help me think, but I didn't want to overthink anything at the moment. I just wanted to read in peace and ease my mind that was, for some unknown reason, not at ease in the least.

After reading a few pages, my thoughts began to drift—to things I hadn't thought about in a while, things I had tried to forget.

* * *

"_Oh, come on, Mello. It's just a joke. Relax a bit," I teased. The blond, Mello, just glared at me and said, "You owe me twenty-three bars of chocolate." I was about to tell him that I didn't owe him anything, but Roger appeared behind the blond, glaring down at me as if I was a demon. "B, you will return his chocolate. And you will also be cleaning the kitchen again this week. I'll see you after dinner, then?" he said. Then he walked away. I glared at his back and, being the child I was, stuck my tongue out at him. I then turned back to Mello and said, "Fine. I'll return your stupid chocolate. But seriously, lighten up a bit, freak." Mello clenched his fists and spat back at me, "__**I'm **__the freak? __**You're**__ the one that's completely obsessed with L, accurately predicts people's deaths, and eats __**extremely **__large amounts of that sticky jam that ends up making you look like you __**brutally murdered**__ someone! All I do is eat chocolate! How am__** I**__ the freak?" If Mello had said that during the first few weeks I'd been at Wammys, that would have hurt, but I'd learned quickly how to ignore the insults. I only sighed and walked past him toward my room. "Mello, I am completely aware that I am a freak, but that does not mean that you aren't," I said. I heard Mello screaming at me to come back and say that to his face, but I didn't pay any heed to his demands._

_

* * *

_"_Near! Relax. Your toys are all safe and sound. I just have to get the key and—" "B, that's not what this is about. I don't care about how easy it will be for you to get them back. The issue is that you did this in the first place. If you keep this up, no one will trust you, and that will probably lead to your downfall as a successor," he said, cutting me off. I crossed my arms and thought about that carefully. He was right. I needed to stop with the stupid pranks—no matter how fun they were to pull off. I nodded slowly, letting out a sigh. "You're right, Near," I said, "I need to stop. So, I'll just get the key, and this will be the last time I pull a prank at Wammys." Near studied me, trying to decide whether or not I was lying. After a moment, he nodded and said, "Alright. If it happens again, I'll have to go to L about it." I nodded. I should have seen that coming. "Yeah, I understand. Wait here, and I'll be back with the key," I said before running off down the hall._"_You're __**so **__dead, B. I'm an __**expert **__on this game," Matt said, sticking his tongue out slightly while he pressed multiple buttons on his game controller. I laughed to myself quietly. I had to let him think he had this one. What he didn't know was that I'd already completed the game four times and knew a shortcut to the win. I had known that wall couldn't have met with the other like that without hiding something there; they just didn't match up correctly. Matt's avatar ran down the path that had seven zombies waiting for him around the corner. He would just have to defeat them, kick down the door on that side, and enter the room to win. I was considerably behind—on purpose. "B, I'm gonna' win," he taunted in a sing-song voice. I rolled my eyes and turned down the dead end. I heard Matt mumble "Idiot" under his breath, and I smirked, not caring if he noticed or not, as I ran through the corner where the two walls met. I immediately fell into the dark room on the other side. Matt was on his last zombie, and he was paralyzed when his screen froze and the words "You Lost" came up. "W-what?" he whispered after a few minutes. He looked at me with wide eyes. "How? __**How**__ did you do that? I've played this game __**twenty **__times! How did __**you**__ win?" My smirk grew, and I answered, "Shortcut. Not so much of an idiot now, huh?" He shook his head. "You've __**gotta'**__ show me that," he said. "Alright. You give me… hmm, thirteen jars of jam, and the knowledge is yours," I agreed. Matt smiled and held his hand out. "Agreed," he said. I smiled back and shook his hand. "Good," I returned.__I sighed as I slowly walked down the hall to my class. I was late, about ten minutes late, actually. I didn't particularly care. I already knew the things we were covering this week. I'd read ahead the week before. Yeah, I had been bored. Mello had been cleaning the boards for some prank he'd pulled on a teacher, Matt had been busy helping Mello since he was in on it, too, and Near had been studying in the library. They were the only __**'friends'**__ I had, so I didn't have much of a choice. It was either study or get in trouble, and I didn't need that on one of Roger's grumpy days. Anyway, I was walking down the hall at my own pace. I was in no hurry to get to boring class—I believe I made that quite clear._

* * *

_I finally reached the classroom door—to my dismay—and sighed as I pushed it open. The first thing I noticed when I walked in was that no one had looked up at the sound of my arrival. That was strange. I looked to the teacher's desk to find no one behind it. That was strange, as well—almost as strange as no one noticing my arrival. I walked to the back of the room where everyone was crowded. As I got closer, I heard their whispers of excitement, fear, and mischief. I didn't like this. It didn't feel right. I finally reached the edge of the crowd. I didn't bother speaking. I knew no one would hear me. So, I just pushed one guy to the side, pushed two in opposite directions, nudged one girl's arm, and after a bit more of this, I eventually emerged from the crowd to find a new boy standing in the middle. He had brown shoulder-length hair, bright blue eyes, and a shy expression. He wore a green T-shirt and plain jeans that seemed to be too big for him. He had no shoes, only one sock and a bare foot. "Heh, let's see if __**Backup **__likes him! If he does, you know he's __**gotta'**__ be a __**freak**__," someone behind me whispered. I clenched my fist and set my jaw. These __**idiots**__ were really getting on my nerves. Once everyone realized I was there—which didn't take long after that one whisper spread around the room—everyone fell silent. They just stared at the boy and me, wondering what was going to happen. After a few moments of that uncomfortable silence, I noticed the boy was curling himself into a ball in a way. His knees were bent, he was hugging himself, his nails were digging into his skin, and his eyes held pure fear. I sighed. I needed to make him feel better. I knew how he felt. "What's your name?" I asked with no emotion in my voice. The sound made him flinch, but he spoke up anyway. "A-Able." A stutter. I was really hoping that was just because of the shyness. He didn't need to give the other students something else to pick on him about. "Well, Able, tell me a few things about yourself," I continued with, again, no emotion. "W-well, I l-like to r-read," he said. I nodded. That didn't matter. Many children here liked to read. "Um… I don't know what else you'd like to know," he continued. No stutter that time. That was good. That meant there was more of a chance the stutter was just from being nervous. I sighed as if I was annoyed. "Well, how about your age?" I suggested. He nodded and said, "Thirteen." What? __**Thirteen?**__ He looked like he was __**nine**__! Or, perhaps that was because of his stance at the moment. I heard everyone whispering his answer around the room. Yes, everyone knew that thirteen made a 'B', and everyone knew that was the reason thirteen was my favorite number. I glanced at both sides of the room, and immediately, everyone fell silent once more. I looked back to Able and asked, "What else do you do in your free time?" Able let out a shaky breath before answering, "I mostly think or daydream. I've never really had much else to do." Poor kid. One guy toward the middle of the crowd shouted, "Are you a demon?" Able flinched at the sudden question—and, I believe, also at the question itself. Who would ask that? I had to actually concentrate on keeping my rage down at that moment, but once I had, I asked Able, "What do you prefer to eat between meals?" Able's eyes lit up. He looked me squarely in the eye and said, "Jam filled donuts!" I smiled inwardly. We would have gotten along greatly, and his excitement for the food reminded me of myself. However, I couldn't give our friendship a chance to grow. It was a shame, but he couldn't be with a 'demon' like me. He would be treated as if he was one, too, and I couldn't have that. So, I turned to the crowd—more specifically, the direction where the demon question had come from—and said, "He's no demon." Whispers filled the air, but someone shouted out to me, "Does that mean you don't like him?" I tried to calm myself before answering emotionlessly, "Of course it does. How could I like someone that is not a freak?" More whispers—if you can call them that; they were extremely loud this time—filled the air, once more, and I silently pushed my way back through to the front of the room. I turned back just in time to see Able again before the other students blocked him from sight. I had just enough time to read his name. "Able," I whispered to myself, "that's the first name you received… How sad." _

* * *

The sound of the door opening brought me back to the present. I heard the almost inaudible footsteps cross the floor once the door was closed. I tried to focus on the manga before me—I wasn't sure why, but I didn't want to face L at the moment. The footsteps ceased right behind me. "B…" I tried to ignore him, flipping the page and attempting to focus more. Then, I felt his hand on my shoulder, and I immediately flinched. "B? Is something wrong?" he asked with a concerned tone. I felt his worried onyx eyes on me. I closed the book, setting it aside, and turned to face him. "No, L. You just startled me is all," I said, smiling in what I hoped was an assuring way. L's brows furrowed for a moment. I knew he could tell I was lying. I hated lying to him, but how was I supposed to tell him I hadn't wanted to face him? "Well, I apologize, B. Startling you was not my intention," he said, pulling his hand away from my shoulder. That's when I realized something was up. I now knew why I hadn't wanted to face him. His footsteps had been quieter than usual. He had taken longer than necessary to reach the couch. It all reminded me of when Watari had come to see me while I was cleaning the kitchen back at Wammys. He'd been so disappointed in me, and I'd never wanted to face him. I could always tell when he was disappointed by the way he walked. His footsteps were not quiet at all, and he walked at a normal pace, but when he felt let down, he would slow his pace, and his footsteps would become almost silent. "L… L, what's wrong?" I asked, standing up and coming close to him. "Nothing, B. Why would you assume something is wrong?" he returned. I stepped closer to him and placed a hand on his shoulder. Immediately, he stepped back and shrugged out of my grasp. I felt a pang in my heart._ 'It's not as bad as his pain when I don't say those three_ _words, though,' _I thought. "L… I…" I said. I didn't know what to say. I didn't know what to do. L shifted his eyes down to the floor. "What's wrong?" I asked again. What else was there to say? I didn't know what was going on, so I didn't know what to do. "Nothing, B. Nothing…" he said. I frowned. '_Liar… but I'm one to talk,' _I thought."B…" he said, "Where have you been lately?" My brows furrowed. What did he mean? "Um, what?" I asked. L sighed and, keeping his eyes trained on the floor, explained, "Yes, you've been here physically, but… lately, you've been zoning out on me. Your thoughts drift, and when I try to bring you back to the present, it rarely works. And when you finally do come out of your thoughts, it's like you don't even realize you missed out on things. Where have you been, B?" I thought that over carefully, and I realized he was right. That explained why the days seemed to blur past me. I looked down at the floor and said, "I don't know, L. I really don't…" I heard him sigh, and, though I knew I shouldn't, I looked up at him. He was staring at me with sad and pain-filled eyes. "Neither do I," he whispered.

"Wait, L…"I said as he turned away from me. He didn't move from that spot. I felt so alone with his back toward me. "L… What are you thinking? I'm sorry that I've been out of it, but I know that's not the only thing that's wrong." I heard him sigh. "B, I just want to know what you've been thinking about so intensely," he whispered. I thought that over. The only thoughts I'd had lately were things I didn't want to remember, things that had happened at Wammys. "…How long have you been downstairs?" I asked. "How is that relevant?" L returned. "Just tell me," I whispered. He sighed and answered, "Three and a half hours." My eyes widened. It had been that long_? 'I sat on the couch in silence and boredom for about fifteen minutes,' _I thought,_ 'and I read for about five minutes. So…' _Then my eyes _really_ widened."L… I think…" I began, but I didn't know how to finish. L turned his head to me and asked, "Think what, B?" I took a deep breath, trying to arrange a sentence in my mind. "I think… Well, today I spent three hours and ten minutes remembering things," I said. L sighed and turned completely around to face me. "Remembering? Remembering what?" he questioned. I sighed and said, "Things that happened at Wammys." "Like what?" he asked. "Um, just things," I said, shrugging, "Like my pranks, games I played with Matt, first meeting…" I dropped that sentence instantly. I couldn't say his name. I never could since… I couldn't think of that either. L's eyes widened in realization. "Oh… Him," he said, looking down. "Uh, yeah? Is that a problem?" I asked. I didn't understand his reaction. "…Kind of," was his reply. I stared at him in confusion. "What do you mean, Lawli?" He looked back up at me and said, "Nothing. It's just that… I still feel guilty about it. I was hoping you wouldn't think of it anymore after what happened." "'What happened' being the murders I committed. Correct?" I inquired. "Uh, yes. I didn't want to remind you that… it was my fault. I didn't want you to go over the edge again and attempt to make me pay by hurting others," he confirmed. I nodded. "I see why that would bother you, but I don't blame you anymore, Lawli-pop. I really don't," I said. He looked at me in disbelief. "Really? You don't… blame me for… that?" _'So, he can't say it either.' _"No, of course, not. I realize my mistakes now. Oh, and those people didn't suffer. I drugged them first, and they were meant to die then anyway," I assured. "Oh, your eyes?" he asked. I nodded. "I killed them accordingly. I never could have taken their lives if the numbers had said differently," I explained. "Well…" L began, "That eases my mind a bit." I smiled a little and said, "I'm glad." I reached my hand out and took his. I stepped closer to him and played with his fingers a bit. I felt him relax and come even closer to me. He was now right in front of me, only two inches apart. He sighed and, closing his eyes, leaned down on my shoulder. I continued to play with his fingers as he let out a shaky breath against my neck. I closed my eyes. I loved the feeling of him leaning against me. I raised my free hand to his back, and he clasped the fingers I'd been playing with around my other bony hand. "B…" he whispered against my skin. The feeling made shivers run up my spine. "Yes, Lawli?" I whispered as I tried to calm my heart. "…Focus on us more… Please?" he requested. I frowned. I really should have noticed my habit and fixed it before it got so bad my L had to _ask_ me to focus on our relationship. I sighed and said, "Of course, L. I'm sorry…" I felt the small smile that graced his lips upon my skin. "Thank you, B," he whispered. I smiled down at him. I really had to concentrate on what I was doing from now on. I couldn't let this happen again. I _wouldn't _let this happen again.

* * *

Lawliet's POV

Wammys: His room

2:43 A.M.

I stood in my room, staring out the window at the rain pouring down. It had been two weeks since I'd confronted B about his habit. His thoughts didn't drift as much, but now he would leave suddenly and not come back for hours at a time. Tonight had been the longest. He'd left at around 11:45 that morning, and it was now 2:43 the next morning. I was very unnerved. I had attempted to sit or lie down so many times I lost count, but every time I only found myself pacing the room the minute after. I was really worried about him_. 'I wonder if he's thinking of me…'_ I thought_, 'Probably not…'_ I frowned at that thought. He was probably reveling in his drifting thoughts while he was out. I placed my bony hand against the glass, trying to erase the negative thoughts that were invading my mind. I watched the rain fall down the glass, but that only brought my mind's attention back to the situation at hand. The drops of rain that turned into streams against the cold glass seemed to be tears… And crying is exactly what I wanted to do at the moment.

I noticed movement outside, and I looked down to the ground below only to see my beloved Beyond. His hands were shoved in his pockets, his hood wasn't pulled up which made his hair cling to his face, his head hung low, and he hunched over more than usual… more than I had—yes, _had_; ever since B was back, I hadn't been slumping so much, well, at least I wasn't when I was happy. My heart began to pound as I ran from the room. I rushed down the hall and down the stairs. Watari emerged from one of the rooms down the hall and looked at me. "L? What's wrong?" he asked. I stopped in front of him and said, "B's back." His eyes lit up with relief. "Finally," he muttered to himself. "Well, I'll go get some blankets for him. I don't want him catching a cold," he said as he entered another room. "Thank you, Watari!" I shouted as I continued to run. After what felt like forever, I reached the front door. I pushed it open and ran outside, down the concrete steps, and to my B. He'd just reached the first step. "B!" I exclaimed as I wrapped my arms around him. I felt him flinch and go rigid. "L-L?" he whispered. I hugged him tighter, pulling him so close to me that every inch of his torso was against my own. "B, you have no idea how worried I was," I said. I was struggling to hold back the tears in my eyes. "L… You're crushing my lungs," B said. "Oh, I'm sorry," I apologized as I pulled back. I kept my arms wrapped around his torso and looked into his eyes. They seemed to be… hurt and confused. "What's wrong?" I whispered. "Nothing, L," he said. He made it sound as if what I was seeing was just my imagination, but I knew it wasn't.

"Don't… Don't lie to me," I whispered. I was truly hurt that he couldn't tell me what was wrong. Pain flashed in his eyes, and I knew at once I had tugged at a heart string. "I'm sorry, L… I just don't know what to tell you," he whispered. He hung his head low once again, and I felt so… alone. I couldn't see his eyes. It saddened me. "B… Don't be sorry…. Just—_please_—don't _ever_ leave me for that long again. You _really_ had me worried, Beyond," I whispered as I ran a hand through his black locks. He looked up at me with sad eyes. "I'm… sorry, Lawli. I… I didn't know what I was doing, and I lost track of time. I'm sorry. I really missed you, Lawli-pop. I really did, but…" He shifted his eyes to the ground, and once again, I felt alone. I lifted his chin, forcing him to look into my own eyes. "Don't worry, Beyond-koi. It's alright. You're here, and you're safe. That's all that matters to me right now," I assured. My Beyond smiled weakly in gratitude. "Thank you, Lawli. I promise, when I figure it out myself, I'll tell you what's going on. For the moment, I'm just kind of…" "Confused," I finished. He nodded, his eyes showing sorrow. I smiled at him assuredly and placed a hand on his cheek. He was so cold. That's when I remembered we were outside in the pouring rain, and we would both probably be sick the next day. "It's alright, Beyondi. We need to get inside and dry off. We're going to catch a cold," I said. B's eyes flashed realization, and he nodded to me, smiling gratefully. I smiled at him and took his wrist, running up the steps and into the building. Watari was just reaching the door when we rushed through. He smiled and came to stand behind B. He placed the blanket he had around Beyond's shoulders and said, "Well, I'm glad you're back, B. You had us worried. I suppose I should get another blanket?" I was about to confirm the statement, but B beat me to it. "Actually, Watari, I believe L will be fine," he said, smirking a tad. Watari looked at him with slightly confused eyes. B smiled innocently and said, "This blanket is a bit big, yes? I think two people our size can easily fit under this." Watari smiled in realization. "Yes, I suppose you're right, Beyond. You've always had a better eye than me," he said. "Well, I wouldn't say _that_," B said while smirking more visibly now. Watari took his leave then, and B grabbed one end of the blanket. He then swung his arm over me and pulled me close, sealing us both in the warmth the cloth brought.

How long would this warmth last?

* * *

Beyond's POV

Wammys: His and L's room

1:19 A.M.

-Two Months Later-

I awoke with a start and sat up quickly, resulting in a painful headache and blurry vision. I held my head with one hand and groaned quietly. I didn't want to wake L. However, waking him wasn't necessary. "Beyond?" I gasped at the sound. I hadn't expected him to be awake. I dropped my hand and looked to the other bed on the opposite side of the room. He was sitting cross-legged, facing my direction and leaning back on the wall. He looked worried and… disappointed? What? "Are you alright?" he asked with a toneless voice. I cringed at the lack of emotion. I hadn't heard his voice like that since the L.A.B.B. cases. "Yeah, just a bad dream, I guess," I answered, trying not to sound hurt. "I noticed," was the mumbled reply I received. My brows furrowed as I looked at him. What was running through his mind? "Lawli? What's wrong?" I asked, crawling out from under the thick quilts on my bed. I was now facing him on my hands and knees. "…Beyond, what was your dream about?" This only further confused me, but I answered anyway. "Wammys. Before I left." L shook his head slightly. "Alright, now be specific, B. What was your dream about?" He looked at me with cold eyes. I visibly flinched, but L didn't seem to be fazed. There was no emotion in his eyes. It pained me. Seeing his eyes like that, hearing his voice so lifeless reminded me of how he had always been too busy with work to care about anyone else. That led me to remember how he had pushed all of his successors so much that some went over the edge. After _that_ thought crossed my mind, I _really_ cringed. L stared patiently at me, not seeming to care about my pain. I sighed and said, "…It was only about my first meetings with everyone." I saw a flicker of pain in L's eyes, but his cold mask replaced it immediately. "I see," he muttered.

I couldn't stand it anymore. I stood, cringing slightly as my bare feet made contact with the cold floor. I silently walked over to L's bed and crawled up in front of him. I knelt before him, my hands resting on my legs. L watched me with watchful, cautious eyes. "I don't understand what's wrong, but…" I began. My mouth hung open slightly as I tried to think of the words. I cursed myself inwardly. Why could I not say those three words? L's eyes were hurt for a moment. Then they became as lifeless as a corpse's. I couldn't say those words, but I decided I would try to _show_ him… how I felt.

I raised up a little, coming eye to eye with L. I placed my hands on his pale face and captured his lips with my own. I kissed him more passionately than ever before, and at first L didn't respond at all. However, after a moment, I felt his wall drop, and he began to kiss me back. He leaned into my touch, and I was almost certain I heard a small groan of pleasure escape his throat. I smiled slightly against his lips, but I didn't break the kiss, nor did I let him. One of my hands snaked itself around L's waist as the other ran through his forever-tangled hair. I felt his arms wrap around my neck. I rose higher to where I was sort of leaning over my L. The hand I had on his waist began to trail up to his chest. With that hand, I pushed him back against the wall, effectively trapping him under me. I felt more than heard the small noise of pleasure from him that time. He deepened the kiss, and for a moment, I was stunned. L had never shown this side of him before. I couldn't let him get too ahead of me though, so I followed until I could take control again. And for once, he actually made it hard for me to gain dominance.

Suddenly, my Lawliet unwrapped his arms from my neck and slightly pushed me back. I complied and pulled back, panting slightly. I saw that he was panting a little, as well. Before I could ask what was the matter, he asked, "There's someone else, isn't there?" My eyes widened. How could he think such a thing? I was in love with him, after all. Well, I may not have said it, but I was. I was hoping he knew that much, at least. "What? No, L. Just you. You're my one and only," I said, my voice cracking slightly from exhaustion. My Lawli studied me carefully, analyzing every detail. "You really have no idea, do you?" he muttered. "I'm sorry? Idea of what?" I asked. L sighed and said, "You toss in your sleep. You also talk. Sometimes, you get up and walk." My eyes widened again. What? L continued before I could question it. "I've been watching you lately. You're always waking me up, and I got to where I just couldn't fall asleep to begin with. The things you say are always about… him." He shifted his eyes to the floor for a moment before looking back into my own. "Sometimes you have full conversations with Watari about my pushing him too hard. You said you didn't blame me, yet you dream about that every night. When you sleep walk, you just go around the room, talking to someone I can't see, looking for things like jam and manga." I stared at him in shock. I'd thought those days were over. I hadn't done any of those things since my prison days.

"L, I don't blame you. If anyone, I blame myself. I knew it was going to happen. Why didn't I just try to prevent it?" _'I did,'_ I reminded myself, _'just obviously not enough.' _L stared at me, trying to decide whether I was lying or not. After a moment, he sighed and said, "Very well, but you shouldn't. Anyway, B, it just feels like there's someone else in your life that is attempting to take your heart away from me." I shook my head. "No," I said, "Only you, Lawli. Only you." I looked at him with sad hurt eyes. L looked back at me with pain-filled orbs. "Beyond, I'm certain there is someone else. It saddens me to know that you don't even realize it." I thought that over very carefully. It didn't make sense. Who else was even _close_ to my Lawli-pop? "No, Lawli," I said, "Only you. There can only be _you_." L placed one of his bony hands against my face, and I instantly fell into his touch. I covered his hand with my own, closing my eyes momentarily. "Beyondi, there_ is_ someone else. _Him._ You're in love with him. That's why you can't say those words." I shook my head, not believing this in the least. "No, L!" I shouted, "_No, only you_! There_ can't_ be anyone else!" L smiled weakly at me and said, "You're lying to yourself. You may love me, B. I cannot be 100% certain on that matter, but I _know _you_ are_ in love with him." "No," I whispered repeatedly. "I'm sorry, B. But I can't live like this. I can't live every day worrying about you while you pretend you're not cut up inside. I'll lose my sanity very quickly. Forgive me, Beyond, but I have to break this off."

I stared at him with wide hurt eyes. What? He was leaving me? No. No, no, no, no, no. "No, Lawli," I tried to say, but it only came out as a ghostly whisper. L gently but forcefully removed his hand from my face and crawled off of the bed. "I'm sorry, Beyond. I truly am," he said. I could hear the grief layered in his voice. I didn't know which was worse, his emotionless voice or his sorrow-filled voice. They both left me in agony. L knelt before the bed and pulled something out from beneath. A picture frame. I couldn't see the picture in it, though. L took a long moment to look at the image, seemingly to memorize every last detail. Lawliet looked at me and stepped closer. He leaned down to my height and gently planted a small kiss on my lips one last time. "Beyond, I can't speak with you," he said, "That would defeat the entire purpose of this. One day, maybe you'll be able to say those words. You know how to contact Watari. When that day comes, contact him. I'll be awaiting that day, Beyondi."

I was too stunned to say anything. I felt like I couldn't breathe. My chest was hurting so much. The pain from his words and actions ripped through my heart like daggers. "Don't worry about the conditions of your release. Roger will take over for me," L continued. He hesitated but said, "I love you, Beyond. I always have, and I'm certain I'll never stop." He smiled an apology to me and, with one last glance at it, placed the picture frame face down in my hands. He stroked my cheek with his index finger one last time, sending chills down my spine. Then, before I even had time to comprehend what was going on, he was gone. After a while—like, maybe three hours?—I finally picked the picture frame up and looked at it. My eyes widened when I saw the photograph. There, in all of his undeniable glory, was my best friend, Aiden—better known as A. I noticed the drop of water that had hit the glass of the frame. I placed a shaky hand on my face, feeling the warm liquid streaming from my eyes. I was _crying._ I hadn't cried since… A died. That thought made it worse, and what I had thought was impossible happened. My heart tore apart even more.

* * *

L was right, you know. He's never wrong, after all. I was in love with Aiden. I still am. I can admit it now. I can say those words, but I can't say them to Lawliet. Even though I am 100% positive I'm in love with him, as well, I can't bring myself to say those words to him. I haven't contacted him, but I've spoken with Watari. It's been three years, and L is currently working on the Kira case. Watari is helping, of course. Mello is still trying to beat Near. He's getting pretty tired of the albino stealing his thunder. Near has only further improved his skills and knowledge, and he's so much like L, it's scary. Matt has become a wonderful hacker, and of course, he still has skills in video games. Roger is still working at Wammys, preparing gifted children to take L's place one day. And I am actually teaching here at Wammys. Yeah, I never saw that coming, but I needed some connections to L other than Watari. A is gone and has been for quite some time, yet he still lives on in my heart. I love him.

_**Beyond Birthday**_


End file.
